Never Looking Back
by ORIONSTORM04
Summary: When all you see when you look back are mistakes, it becomes painful to see anything. But what doesn't kills us makes us stronger... well not without a little help. Please read and review. This is my first Inuyasha fic, so be kind. :P
1. Indecisions

**Never Looking Back**

**By: Orionstorm04**

**Indecisions**

Standing on the edge of the forest, Kagome looked upon the clearing with silent reverence. Looking further into the clearing she saw the Bone Eaters Well, the connecting place between her time and this one. This is where it all started; this is where her life changed forever. Almost three years had passed since that faithful day that she fell down the well and found herself in feudal Japan. When she first arrived, she was terrified, thinking surely this was a dream… or a nightmare.

It was also the day she meet Inuyasha. Thinking back on their first encounter still caused a quit smile to appear on her face. At first glance, his attitude was hardly something that she would consider engaging, but in time, they developed a bond stronger than either one could anticipate. At times he could be rude, vengeful, arrogant, cocky and more than a little stubborn, but then he could also be kindhearted and sweet when he wanted to be.

During their travels to locate and restore the Shikon Jewel, she had spent considerable time with the hanyō, so much in fact, that deep feelings between them began to develop. But it was hard to know what feelings were hers and which ones were that of her past life Kikyo. She knew that she loved Inuyasha, sometimes more than she was willing to admit to him or anyone else, but there was always this nagging thought in the back of her head. What if these feelings weren't her own? Did she really care enough for him to stay by his side? That was a question that had become increasingly difficult as time went by.

"What are you doing out here by yourself?"

She needn't turn around to see whom it was that spoke to her. As she felt strong arms encircle her waist, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of him pressed up against her back. These few stolen moments that they shared made her feel at ease. Just being able to relax in his arms left her mind and heart in a constant state of content.

"You had me worried, I thought I wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye." She felt incredibly soft lips press against the pulse on her neck, while he swayed her in his arm.

"Why do you think I waited here all this time?" she whispered seductively. He placed his hands on her hips, turning her around to face him fully. As she stared into his eyes, her heart skipped a beat. She knew what it was that he was about to say, but hoped that she could prolong the moment for just a little while longer.

"I was hoping when I got back, we could spend a little more time together. I know I still have to find the remaining jewel shards, but we hardly get to see each other anymore, and I'm starting to miss you." She pouted playfully as she ran her figure across his cheek.

His hand shot up, and gently held her's, stopping the soothing motion that she was using to derail his train of thought.

"Really… is that what you really want? Cause sometimes I don't know Kagome, sometimes I think you don't even know what you want." His eyes were intense as he tried to catch her downcast gaze.

"Kouga…"

"I'm tired of being your secret Kagome. I'm tired of having to meet you in the shadows simply so you can save face with that mutt."

Her eyes hardened at his words. She always hated when he referred to Inuyasha as a mutt, just as much as she hated when Inuyasha used demeaning names to address him. There was always this territorial thing going on between them. Maybe it was because they were both members of the canine family, but whatever the reason, it was beginning to get on her last nerve.

"I've asked you not to call him that Kouga. You two really need to learn to get alone." She removed herself from the circle of his arms, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh well excuse me! I didn't mean to insult your lover or anything. How stupid of me to think that somewhere along the lines your feelings had drifted to me." He said sarcastically.

She had no reply to those words, because in essence, they were true. She had made many friends in the feudal era of Japan, but none more important than Inuyasha… and Kouga. When she first met the wolf Yōkai, he had made it pretty apparent that he was interested in her. In the beginning, she thought his advances were little more than an attempt to assert his dominance over Inuyasha. But as time went by, she realized that the feelings that he had were genuine, and soon she began to reciprocate them

"You know I didn't mean it like that. I just don't understand why the two of you can't get along."

"It's pretty hard to get along with someone when he's putting his hands all over you." He said aggressively. Making his way closer to her, he once again brought her into his arms. "I hate to see him put his hands on you."

"Kouga… I've told you, Inuyasha's just very protective of me." She couldn't look him in the eye when she said that. She knew the reason why Inuyasha clung to her so closely. While she was here in Kouga's arms, there had been plenty of times that Inuyasha would hold her the exact same way. She hated lying to either one; but she just didn't know which one her heart really laid with. It was an internal conflict that she had been grappling with for some time now. It was only a matter of time before she would have to give an answer, and when she did, she would loss someone very dear to her.

Kouga's face hardened as he stared down at her and spotted her indecision. It was time that he got this over with, rather she wanted to or not.

"I'm tired of playing games with you Kagome, I need an answer. Who will it be me or the half blood?"

His question caused her to falter. She didn't know if she could rightfully answer that right now. Of course she had been thinking of this, and she would have thought she would be able to answer it by now, but no amount of time could prepare a person to choose between two men she truly did love. As she stammered on her words, she fought vainly to articulate what was to come next.

"I-I can't answer that. You know I care for you… you could go as far to say that I love you." Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, from the raw emotions that began to grip her.

"If you love me, then be with me."

"It's not that simple." She turned away at the look in his eyes.

"Why isn't it that simple?! If you love me, than that's all that matters right?"

"Cause I love Inuyasha as well." She whispered as the tears she had been holding in made their way down her pale cheek.

"You can't have us both Kagome. Sooner or later you'll have to choose, and when you do, let me know."

He disappeared back into the shadows of the surrounding woods. She made no attempt to stop him; she didn't think she could even if she wanted to. She mentally chastised herself for her current situation. Why couldn't she just come to a decision? It wasn't like she was being asked to chose who lived and who died. It was just a simple matter of who she wanted to love, was that so hard of a question? In her case it was, because she didn't want to lose either on. Inuyasha would never be able to forgive her if she went to Kouga, and Kouga in turn would never accept her going to Inuyasha.

She forcibly whipped the tears from her eyes. She couldn't stand there and cry all night, she had to get back to Kaede's village before the others came looking for her, especially Inuyasha. The walk back towards the village gave her time to think about her dilemma. Soon summer would be ending, and she would be starting her last year of high school. She hadn't thought of what she would do after she graduated, well other than having more time to try and find the jewel shards.

If she were to choose either Inuyasha or Kouga, what would that mean for her life in the future? She couldn't possible bring them back with her, and living in the past wasn't exactly what she had planned for her life. There was always the possibility that she could travel back and forth between worlds like she did now, but who was to say that the well would always allow her entry into the past?

Making her way pass the many huts that covered the small village, she finally came upon Kaede's modest home. Before she could make her way inside, the cloth that was used as a door, was pulled aside, and out rushed a little ball of fur.

"Kagome, I thought you had left already." Shippo's said, as he jumped into her welcoming arms. The small fox demon hadn't grown all that much over the past few years. He still resembled that of a small child, and still clung to Kagome as his pseudo mother.

"No way Shippo, I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye, and besides, it's only for a few days. I'll be back, I promise."

As if on cue, the rest of the occupants began to file out of the hut one by one. Kaede was the first one out of the door, and she had barely changed since Kagome had originally arrived. Followed behind her was Sango, who was one, if not the best demon hunters in all of Japan. Sango had always been like a sister to Kagome, being the only other girl of the group; the two had to count on one another for support and respite from their male counterparts.

One such male was the one directly behind her. Miroku, the Buddhist Monk, who was Sango's suitor. While the two had more than one altercation regarding his wondering hand, the affection that they shared was more than apparent.

"Hi guys, you didn't think I left did ya?" she smiled towards her friends.

"Ye had me wondering for a while there, but I knew ye would be back." Kaede affirmed kindly.

"Poor Shippo here nearly went into hysteria after you hadn't come back earlier." Miroku joked.

"I thought monks weren't allowed to tell lies!" Shippo pouted from Kagome's arms.

"There are a lot of things monks shouldn't do that this lecher does." Sango commented. No sooner did the words leave her mouth that she felt the stroking motion of someone's hand on her butt. Her left eye began to twitch as she turned her heated glare in the direction of Miroku, who was smiling contently as he violated her personal space. The accompanying slap that followed was expected by all around, even Miroku was surprised that it had taken her that long to react. Maybe he was wearing on her.

"You are such a pervert!" Sango said, blushing furiously.

"Ah, the gentle touch of a woman." Miroku sighed while he rubbed his cheek tenderly.

"Idiot…" Shippo looked at the humans, and wondered when he grew up if he would ever be that dense.

"Where's Inuyasha?" the one person Kagome thought would be waiting for her was nowhere in sight.

"Quit you're worrin' I'm right here." The smooth tone of Inuyasha's voice sailed to her ears. The years had been kind to him, gone was his boyish looks and in their place was the image of a man who looked to be approaching his twenties. The hanyō made his way towards the group, his even strides a testament to his skill. Though as crass as Inuyasha could be at times, she knew the extent of his heart and never took any of it at face value. "Where you been anyway?"

His question had caused her heart to plummet. What would she tell them? She couldn't think of anything to say at the moment, but knew she had to say something or they would only become suspicious.

"Just out taking a walk, I wanted to get a chance to see this place before I leave." She said hurriedly.

Inuyasha looked at her strangely, "Why didn't you tell me, I would have gone with you to make sure nothing happened. That was pretty stupid of you, what if something would have happened? What if Naraku or one of his incarnations would have come after you?"

"I can take care of myself you know!" She hated when he thought of her as helpless. She couldn't recall the amount of times she had saved his butt.

"Psssh, yeah right..." He said dismissively "You can't make it one day without me saving your ass."

"Grr… Inuyasha… SIT BOY!" the weight from the beads of subjugation pulled him to the ground. This was a constant in their relationship, he would say something stupid, and she would say the command that would leave him pinned to the ground.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he yelled as he pulled himself off the ground.

"You really are clueless sometimes, you know that?" she said slightly fuming. She wasn't in the mood to argue right now, all she wanted to do was enjoy her last night with her friends.

"You really can put your foot in your mouth at times Inuyasha. I can't understand why Kagome puts up with you." Shippo was constantly reminding Inuyasha of his mistakes when it came to Kagome, and Inuyasha was constantly reminding Shippo who was the stronger of the two. Giving the young fox Yōkai a swift punch in the head, Inuyasha tuned his sights back on Kagome.

"Well next time you decide to take a walk, try letting someone know, instead of taking risks like that." He fumed at her. It was always like her to do something brash like that, but over the last few months, she had been acting strangely. It was like she felt more secure in her own abilities, not that it was something she shouldn't be, but he was used to being the one to protect her. It was his job to make sure that she was alright, something that he couldn't do with Kikyo when she was alive. Soon a strange, yet familiar odor caught his noise, and he began sniffing the air to catch a better whiff of the scent.

'_Oh no… Inuyasha must have caught Kouga's scent on me!' _Kagome thought desperately. She was slipping as of late when I came to concealing her and Kouga's meetings, though her training as a miko had improved over the years, so she was better able to conceal certain things. With a slight gesture of her had, the wind shifted, caring the scent away with it.

He could have sworn there was a scent in the air, but all of a sudden it was gone. Shaking his head he turned his attention back on Kagome, who was fidgeting nervously with her hands.

"How long are you planning on leaving for this time?"

"Only for a little while, school is starting soon and since it's my last year, I'll really have to study." She was glad for the change of subject.

"I don't see why you go to that stupid school anyway, when all your going to do is come back here."

"You want me to come back?" she was touched by his words. Inuyasha rarely showed any outward sign that she meant anything to him, but when he did, they always made her remember why it was that she had fallen for him in the first place.

"Well of course I want you to come back. How else would we find the jewel shards?"

Miroku, Sango, Kaede and Shippo all took in a breath of air, realizing Inuyasha's mistake far quicker than he did. This, they were sure, would not be pretty.

"Is that all I'm good for?! To find your precious jewel shards?!" she stared hurtfully at him. There were times that not even she knew why she took so much crap from Inuyasha, and from the look on his face, he had no clue as to what she meant. "I don't even know why I bother sometimes Inuyasha. You'll never learn." With that she collected her things and began making her way to the well.

Without wasting a beat, Inuyasha chased after her. Her feelings were always getting hurt over something or another, and most of the times he didn't understand why. Was it that he really didn't understand or try to understand her?

"Kagome, wait…" she almost made it to the well when he finally caught up with her.

"I don't want to talk right now Inuyasha."

"Well just listen for a second." When he turned her around to face him, he caught of glimpse of tear filled eyes in the light of the moon. "What I said back there…. I didn't mean I like that. You mean more to me than just someone who can find jewel shards." His declaration caught her by surprise.

"Really? You don't really show it all the time." she whipped the tears away from her eyes as she looked at him.

"I know, and I'm sorry. You know I have problems with letting people get to close, but you know how much you mean to me right? It's just after what happened with Kikyo…"

That name sparked an anger inside of her that she wasn't sure she was capable of. She was so tired of hearing about Kikyo. It was always Kikyo this or Kikyo that. Did anybody care about her, about Kagome? Sometimes she wouldn't be surprise her if he just forgot all about her and ran back to Kikyo.

"I'm not Kikyo alright! All I ever hear is Kikyo! When are you going to understand that I'm not her? You keep living in the past, and you're going to miss what's right in front of you." She was emotionally drained. This had been plague her for far too long, and right now, she thought that she finally didn't care anymore. He was going to listen. "When you look at me Inuyasha, what is that you see?"

He stared at her with confused eyes. "What do you mean what I see? I see you, what else am I suppose to see?"

"You're supposed to see someone that you care about, someone that isn't Kikyo. I'm tired of living in her shadow, everyone expects me to be as good as Kikyo, but no one wants me to be just Kagome. Well not everyone…" she let the last part hang. She wasn't sure if she was ready yet to tell him about Kouga.

"What are you talking about? It is you that I see."

"No it not… I can't do this anymore Inuyasha. I can't constantly sit here and hope that it's me you love or the person that I resemble."

"What do you mean?"

"I want someone that will love me for me… and… I…. don't think you can do that right now." This was becoming hard for her. Once she said those words, the look that was shown on his face was heartbreaking. It was as if his world was ending, but the mask of pain only lasted for a second before it was replace by anger.

He looked at her in disbelief as she told him that she didn't think that he could love her. What had changed so dramatically that she would question his love for her? Then that's when it hit him, while he was at the camp with the others, he was sure that he got a whiff of something on the breeze, and not that he was here in the clearing, with no other smells to distract him, he was able to decipher it.

"That bastard…" he mumbled under his breath.

"Inuyasha, what's…" her words were silenced as his hands gripped her arms tightly.

"So it's him huh? That's why you've been acting strange lately, you've been with him."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She tried softly.

"Don't lie to me! I can smell him all over you. How could you do this to me Kagome? After everything we've been through together." he was angry, yes, but he was also hurt. He trusted her, more than he had trusted anyone in a long time. But it was all the same, every time he trusted someone, they always let him down.

"It's not what you think, I can explain." She knew that she had betrayed him, and that thought alone brought tears to her eyes. She never meant to hurt him…

"How?! How can you explain his scent on you? Where you sneaking off to see him, is that it? All this time I thought… DAMMIT!!!" he released her and began pacing furiously.

"It wasn't like that. We weren't sneaking, all we did was talk."

"Talk huh, is that how you got his mark on your neck?" he spat venomously. Her hand quickly went to the spot on her neck where Kouga had kissed her earlier. She had no idea that he had left a mark, and had she been aware, she would have used a spell to conceal it.

"Inuyasha, please, just let me explain." She was on the verge of a breakdown. This was never how she envisioned it would be, not like this.

"Save it Kagome, I don't want to hear it. You've made your choice, now live with it." Before she was able to say another word, he was gone.

She stood in that spot for what felt like hours. Her legs were unable to move, as she played over and over the look on his face and the sadness and hurt in his eyes. How could she have let it come to this? She just wished that she could disappear, and not have to deal with her pain of the knowledge of hurting Inuyasha. She sunk to her knees, head in her hands, she let her tears pour freely. Almost to mimic her pain, the sky split open, releasing its wet drops onto her unshielded body.

When she finally had the energy to stand once more, she looked out onto the clearing leading to the direction that Inuyasha had left in earlier. This would be the second time that someone important had walked away on her. And she knew that one may never return. What would this mean for them now? When she decided to come back, or if she decided, would the two still work together to find the jewel shards? And what would she do about Kouga? Now that Inuyasha knew of her meetings with him, she didn't have any reason to not be with him, other than the fact that she still didn't have an answer to her question of who she wanted to be with.

She was somewhat happy now that she had a chance to go home, because at least there, she didn't have to worry about the problems facing her in the feudal era. Placing her backpack on her shoulders, she flung her legs over the side of the well. And with one last glance back, she jumped forward, disappearing in the same flash of light that always led her home.

_A/N: How was that people? To say that this was my first foray into the Inuyasha fandom, I think I did fairly well, but I'll let you be the judge of that. Now a few things, one: the reviews will determine if this story is continued beyond chapter one. I have the plot laid out already so updates would be frequent, but only if there is a need for them. In other words, if there are reviews coming in, then chapters will be posted. Don't get me wrong, I do write for myself and not simply to please other people or simply for reviews, but let's be honest people, knowing that someone likes my writing motivates me to update more frequently. Second: I'll be posting a poll on my author's page. In it, I'll give the readers a chance to influence the story. The way I have the first chapter written, Kagome can go either with Kouga or Inuyasha, now the poll will decide who she ends with, but I warn you, there are consequences. Whomever she chooses will be the person that will not be the male lead for this story, and the one she doesn't will be the hero and main focus of this post, Kagome herself and whomever she chooses will be a part of the story, but not the main focus. Also, that person will have his own new paramour. So you have to decide, do you want her to end up with someone that you won't get to see much of in this story, or someone that you could care less about reading? Your choice, but the time to choose will be limited. And if you don't want to vote on the poll, you can simply make your choice know by leaving it in a review, seeing as how I sometimes forget that I even have a poll and rarely check them. __**SO GO OUT THERE AND VOTE!!!!!**_


	2. Author's Note

_**Attention:**_

Just a heads up to all of those who thought that I was MIA or dead. I'm alive!!! I know it's been a while since my last update, and for that I'm truly sorry. I was having problem at home with family that required my full attention. Now I'm back and ready to push out some serious work. Updates will come twice as often as they did before, and for that you have my word. I will try to publish as frequently as I can as long as my muse continues to inspire. Like I've said previously, reviews always keep me motivated and going strong. That's it for now. At the moment, I'm writing my update for this chapter and it should be done within the next day or so, so you shouldn't have that long to wait. Thanks for the support.

Orionstorm04


	3. Story update

This is a little update to all of my readers. I know I have been M.I.A. and for that, I'm sorry. Times have changed and I relocated to another city and state… but enough of that. If there is anyone left who are still interested in reading this story, simply leave a review to express your interest and I'll be posting chapters soon after.. Again, sorry about the long absence.


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